a guide to driving in quebec

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During my online travels today, I found 15 rules for driving in Quebec. A few are funny and they all seem to describe Quebec drivers well.

But a bit of quick research indicates the list has been bouncing around the Internet for years, with just about every jurisdiction in North America used as the punchline. Check a good story, lose a good story, I guess.

Here it is anyway:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Quebec driver avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and he car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have
   of getting hit.
4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,
   especially with NB or Ontario plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to
   prepare other drivers entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are
   not enforceable in Quebec during rush hour, especially in Montreal.
9. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that a Quebec driver flashing his high beams behind you oesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Quebec is the home of
    high-speed slalom-driving; thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them alert.
12. It is tradition in Quebec to honk your horn at cars in front of you that
    do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important
    to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
14. Remember that the goal of every Quebec driver is to get ahead of the
    pack by whatever means necessary.
15. In Quebec, ‘flipping the bird’ is considered a polite salute. This
    gesture should always be returned.

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Filed under Humor, Quebec